Being a StepMom

I hate being a stepmom, I really do. I love my two stepsons, butr I am sick of being the "Stepmom". Who raised the boys until they were old enough to be in school full-time? Their step-mom. Who makes sure they know when their games and practices are no matter whose house the boys are at... Their stepmom. Am I perfect? Far from in, but I do my best for them, and do my best to put their needs first.
We do our best, we pay child support, we buy them clothes for school, and if they seem to need a haircut or new shoes or anything when we have them we usually take care of it, and don't complain. But their mom is remarried and they both work full-time she recieves child support from us and from another child's father. She has four kids altogether. We have five and survive on a single income. She is always asking for more money for things that are covered under child support. When she was single and on her own, and we didn't have three other kids of our own to support we did pay half of any epense on top of childsupport, and give her extra money when she needed it. But now, she really should be able to support them on her own, and our child support should be helping her.
In our state, the custodial parent is to supply clean, clothes in good condition for their stays at our house. We keep a few sets of clothes here for them, so we don't ask for clothes for short weekend stays. However when they come over in 30 degree weather with no coats, jeans with half the legs missing, and their shoes falling apart, that is an issue. We send them home in new jeans, coats, and shoes. The next week they come back in the same condition, wearing the old shoes instead of their new ones, or sometimes no shoes at all. The mom insists that's all she has and she doesn't have the money to buy them new clothes all the time. Okay, what happened to the new stuff we just sent home the weekend before?? Who knows.
Now she does do things for them, she signs them up for a ton of sports that we have to drive hours each way to their games on the weekends, she always has the money for the best looking cleats or some fancy jersey replica. So she looks good, and makes them happy buying them what they want while we supply everything they need.
Case in point today was my oldest stepsons soccer game, they were supposed to come home with us after the game for the week. We have asked numerous times for her to please send some shorts and stuff for the summer, since we have them all summer. We show up to the game, the oldest only has his soccer uniform. The younger has stained clothes and shorts that are so big they go down to his ankles. She sent no clothes for them, and the younger didn't even have shoes. He's 9! I had sent home brand new shoes with him the day before. I was furious, because that meant we would have to go buy new shoes again! The game was an hour away from either of our houses in opposite directions so going to her house to get them was not an option. She also said she was not buying summer clothes for them and had nothing to send to our house. I had already bought several outfits, but I don't think they want to wear the same 3 outfits over and over. I was furious I admit I lost my cool and went off on her.. Here is the argument that transpired:
Me: "That's what child support is for. You are still getting it while we have the boys all summer. You have no idea how hard it is to raise these kids on one income with no outside support."

Her: "Get a Job"

Me: "I would love to but I have your kids, so you can work, so you can go to school, so you can do whatever you want. I raised them for the girst 6 years of their lives until they were old enough to be in school."

Her: "I raised my kids." I don't have the money to buy them clothes.

Me: "We give you the money, Child Support!"

I was out of line, yes. But I am sick of my children suffering too. I can't get my child a haircut this week because I have to buy yet another pair of shoes. I buy my kids clothes from Walmart, Goodwill and the Clearance rack and they are happy with that. My step-sons clothes have to be brand name or they won't wear them. I tried buying them some nice shirts, jeans, and shoes from Sears because they have the Kidvantage program, if they wear out we can exchange them no receipt required. My step-sons picked out their clothes and were very happy with them, and were excited to show their mom, their mom said they look dorky and we never saw the clothes again.
I would never want my step-sons to go without, but we are sick of being the money tree, yet when we want the boys for something it's a hassle, we never see their report cards because she always forgets them, luckily now their school has online grades. My husband emailed the teacher about one son's reding grade that was falling, the teacher stated that the son's work was not being checked, and the son was not doing the assigned reading. My husband asked the boys' mom about it who got all defensive and then told the teacher that he was not allowed to talk to us, it all needed to go through her. We never said anything about her to the teacher, and the teacher still keeps us posted and answers any questions we have. He even tells the son when his dad emails him, and it makes the son very happy when he knows we are checking on him.

I am so frustrated I did not mean for this to turn into a basking post. She tries to be a good mom, but to her that means being popular, and making sure she looks good, and the boys can do whatever they want and she will spoil them, but she won't do anything they NEED. Because she knows if she doesn't we will. How can we break this cycle without making the boys suffer. If we had the money I wouldn't care, but it is hard enough without all these extra expenses that we should not be fully excpected to pay for.

Summertime!

Okay not quite, but it was feeling that way.. until yesterday. Of course our first baseball game and it drops from 80 to 50 degrees overnight, not fair! We are only on week 2 of summer vacation and I am running out of inexpensive (aka free) things to keep my children occupied. Once the pool opens up, that will be a huge help. But until then, what do we do???
Went to walmart today, spent $9 on a new Whamo Slip N Slide with an inflatable board to slide on, no more worries of scratched bellies on a missed rock under the slide. Made the kids a deal, we would get it out after lunch if they did not argue with eachother one time until then. Otherwise they would have to wait for their dad to get home. It worked! For the first time in two week sI had two hours of blissful non screaming! The kids had fun slipping and sliding, though they had trouble making it all the way down with the board.
We are excited for the Library summer reading program, that always gets the kids excited for reading. And our library has free movie video game rentals for the times when they can't be outside! yay! During the summer the library is our best friend, though we tend to forget about it during the school year.
We are on the hunt to visit every park that is within an hour drive this summer, the kids love to explore the paths. I love that I am actually getting some exercise
We are also looking for somewhere to go this summer for an extended weekend trip. Something that would be enjoyable for kids ages 3-11 and not be horribly expensive (aka no big amusement parks please) Any ideas?

A day at the beach, sound like fun?

What was I thinking?!!!! It was a nice 80 degree day and actually felt warm without the wind blowing.. FINALLY!!!! I have been promising the kids a beach day when it was warm, and man did they hold me to it.

We took off after school today, shovels and pails in hand. I reminded them that the lake is not going to be warm enough yet. I reminded my 3, 5, and 7 year old that they could only go wading. Sorry my legs aren't quite ready for the summer, so no way was I getting in too. They go out further then i was comfortable, I tell them they need to come back in, if their shorts are getting wet they are out to far. "But mom those kids are swimming!" Those kids are slightly older with no parents in sight riding their bikes on the road in flipflops and with no shirts. You know what mommy phrase has to follow, "I am not their mom, I am your mom." I try reasoning with the older two they have their little brother who is going to follow him. He's not really swimming yet, so I don't want him further then where I can jump in and grab him if he falls down. It lasts for about 3 minutes, then they are back out there.
"But it's no fun if we can't go swimming!" They were told before we left there would be no swimming, they can walk and get their feet wet in the water but that is it. I was relieved when another family showed up, and the mom was literally repeating everything I had just said. Then at the same time we told our kids that's it they are not listening we are done with the water!

So we go to the playground at the beach, kids climbing up the slides, I call them all over tell them if they do it again we are all leaving., Not five minutes later, one is climbing up the slide. But I'm the one being mean and unfair!

Whatever, I'm the mean mom get used to it.

Bloggers Helping Others

Isn't it wonderful when big bloggers use their mass connections to do something good for people? Isn't it just as wonderful when small bloggers do the same?

We all have our own circle of connections some may be bigger than others but still we all have people who know people who know people... That is what HelpersMarket is all about. HelpersMarket embraces the power that social networks have and uses it to help people find what they need.

Bloggers can activate their social network to help others and collect a helper's fee to do so.

For example if you activate your social network to help Fred form HelpersMarket sell his house you could recieve $10,000!

Sign up, blog about your expereinces and enter to win prizes!

http://helpersmarket.com/contest

Time for a Confession...

I have been mainly a stay at home mom for the past nine years. People may say I knew what I was getting myself into, but honestly I didn't have the slightest clue. When I married my husband, the fact that he had two sons that he adored and was such a good dad to was a major attraction for me. His oldest was adorable and we got along well. Besides they are only here on the weekends. Little did I know that by marrying my husband I became the free babysitter. Over the next few years my school, my dreams of become a band director were put on hold as I tried to the best for these boys, while their mom finished school. At the time it was no big deal, I was already struggling, I will just go back and finish my degree. Ha Ha Ha!

Two years into our marriage, we had a baby girl together. It was the most amazing thing in the world. After being the primary caregiver to my stepsons with no credit, no authority, nothing. I now had my own child, and while I love my stepsons, it just can't compare.
Fast forward seven years and two more kids (and a tubal ligatio)later. I have finally gone back to school... online. It is fine I guess, I need to have a degree so when my youngest starts Kindergarten in two years I can actually get a job. I can forget about my music, I have touched a drumset in 8 years, and my piano skilsl are sorely lacking. So instead I opted for Psychology, to work with troubled youth and social services. I am glad that I have finally returned to school even if it is not the way I had pictured but it's something, it helps me feel like I am doing something.

But to be perfectly honest. I was defintely not cut out to be a housewife. The mom part I can handle most of the time, but the doting housewife is so not my thing. I admit the dishes don't get done until we are out of all the clean ones. Laundry is the same way, and it will sit in baskets, then the baskets get dumped mix with the dirty clothes on the floor and then they all have to be washed again. I have tried the organizing thing. I love to organize, it gives me great joy to sort and stack and find all kinds of creative ways to try to not have to clean as much. However it's the upkeep that fails me. Cooking?!!! Ha! I try I really do, but usually making dinner means planning ahead so there is meat thawed out, and there are some sort of ingredients on hand. Again not my strong suit. I love to try new dishes and experiment, though my family does not appreciate it.

My husband would be an amazing stay at home dad, he is a great cook, he can clean the entire house in an hour and I have no idea how he does it. On the weekends when we clean I will start on one room and he will have the rest of the house done before I finish that one room. If he didn't work so much he would be in charge of it all.

But he does work sometimes two jobs and now he is traveling often gone for a week or more at a time. Leaving me with all of this. I did try to mow the lawn for him last week, ended up putting a two foot hole in the middle of the front yard. I give up.

All in all I have a good life, but then why am I so miserable. All of these years of my life revolving around "Hey Mom," "Mommy can you," and "Mom!" has taken it's toll. I love my children more than anything. But I just need to get out of this house, I peruse the job boards every day looking for the miracle job that will take someone with no real work experience and pay enough to cover childcare for five children through the summer. Now I have worked off and on throughout the years in preschools and daycare, and doing some field marketing jobs. Preschool and childcare do not pay anything, I was looking in the ads and while I made $7.50 an hour as a lead toddler teacher in a very expensive childcare center, Aldi's pays their cashiers $11.30 an hour! How fair is that?!! Well that could be a whole nother blog post for another day. I have had job interviews but in this economy my chances are slim to none,there are plenty of experienced work available and I have no real work history, landing a job that pays more than $10 an hour is more of a dream than reality.

My point is I know I will get persecuted for not being grateful that I get to be a stay at home mom to my children. You just do not realize how isolated you become. I can't even volunteer to help at the school or with the PTA, and I even had to resign as Girl Scout leader because younger siblings are not welcome. I am grateful for my son's preschool who let my 3 year old and I hang out and help as often as we want and i try not to take advantage of it , but it is nice to be around adults too!

I am just not the mom who is comfortable with a babysitter so I can enjoy time to myself, and in the end my kids suffer as much as I do. I admit that I can be a pretty crappy mom when I am stressed and snap at the kids, yelling at them to go clean their rooms or just to leave me alone for a bit. But at the same time, I do try and spend as much time as possible with them, reading stories playing games, and trying to find free fun things to do.

When you dream of being a mom you picture the diapers, and the throw up, and the scraped knees, and you know the work that will be expected of you. What they don't tell you is the level of isoation that is included. I see moms at all these play groups, and moms nights out and such. I did join a play group with my youngest, but then moms' lunch out was always a moderatly expensive restraunt that was way beyond our budget. And even now more and more have returned to work and then they resent you for being a stay at home mom. It's a never ending cycle the working mothers are jealous of the at home moms, the at home moms are envious of the working moms.
That's it, I just needed to rant... Feel free to chastise as you wish.

Should I get my child a cell phone?

I cannot believe the constant reminders in my child's ELEMENTARY school newsletter for parents to make sure their children are not using their cell phones during school hours. Now I do not consider myself old, but I graduated high school only 10 years ago and very few if any kids had cell phones. Now they are all over the elementary school. I am wondering how many will show up in preschool next year.

Now I seriously don't think that parents are getting their young children cell phones for social reasons. It is a safety line for both the child and parent, being able to talk to them whenever you need to. For the children though getting a cell phone is exciting, a sense of freedom, and it is new toy. It is easy for children to go overboard, going over minutes, testing the limits with texting and this presents and even more dangerous issue, "sexting".

We have all become aware of the dangers to our children online and the need to monitor what they are doing on the computer. But monitoring cell phone texts and pictures sent is a little more challenging.

One cell phone company has taken parents concerns to heart. Kajeet offers no contract phone service that puts parents in control. Check out some of these awesome parental control features:

• Time Manage- Block your child from using the phone during school hours, study time, or set a phone curfew! (but you can setup for calls to and from parents can always get through)


• Contact Mager- Allow only certain callers and texts to get through, block those you don't want.


• WalletManager- You control how much is spent not the phone company. Set up seperate wallets, you can pay for calls to parents and family, your child pays for calls to friends! Teach your child to budget and be responsible with their phone!

My Fave Feature! ONLINE GPS PHONE LOCATER!!!!
Child loses their phone, or your not sure your child is where they say they are, look it up online. You can even setup automatic phone locaters and Kajeet will email you where your child's phone is at, great for afterschool check-ins!

Phones start at $19.99 and check out this special promotion for my Readers right now sign up and activate a phone with a $19.99 plan (remember no contracts!) and get unlimited texting and 150 minutes of talktime! Also get 15% off a phone! BTW, NO Activation fees! To learn more and take advantage of this offer you must use the links provided!

http://www.kajeet.com/wager

Learn to Talk to your 2-6 year old

Now I am not usually one to promote products in my blog but when I see something that will truly be useful to my readers i want to share it.

After your kids get to about the age of 2, they learn how to talk. Then comes the resistance. They start fighting with you over simple things, and this can be very tough on you. Do your kids completely take over control of your house, leaving you to feel helpless, guilty, and very stressed out? Yeah, we love our kids, but nobody ever said that loving your kids makes parenting easy!

Do you deal with these kinds of problems?

• Your child won’t come to the table at dinner time, or screams for dessert without having eaten dinner?
• Your little one doesn’t want to take a bath?
• Your little toddler won’t stay in bed?
• It’s a big ordeal getting your child dressed in the morning?
• Your toddler fights with siblings?
• Or how about specific situations like this: While driving with your toddler in the car seat, he drops a favorite toy and whines for you to pick it up for him, but you can’t reach it and find this impossible to explain to a 2-year old?

Here is the worst part … If you are stressed because of your kids, then your relationship with your partner is suffering! Until you get control of this, your relationship will be under massive pressure! Money is the number one source of fights in most relationships. Fighting about the kids is a close second!

Here’s the good news … You can learn to use language in a way that you’ve never done before … and you can get your kids to stop fighting and start behaving. This means you can go back to feeling the joy that you deserve as a parent. As you start to notice how much lower your stress level is from being a parent, your relationship will naturally get better.

There is an amazing program available that works wonders. It teaches you how to talk to your toddler and be able to work with them instead of against them. Click Here to learn more about Talking to Toddlers!

Perfect for ages 2-6!